Just the Way You Are

I decided to add a new page to my blog today, a pictures page.  I figured I can write about my journey, I can write about how my body is changing, I can write about how my looks are changing, but they are only words.  I think by posting pictures I am not only making myself stay accountable for keeping up this weight loss journey, but it shows my progress.  It is a visual representation of my long and perilous journey to being healthy and fit.  I sincerely hope that by doing this, it's a good thing.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I realise that I have not updated once since I made my weight loss pledge, but I have been avoiding the internet as much as possible this past week because it distracts me and causes me to fall behind on my schoolwork.  Then again I could always say that I have to post a blog whenever I log on for non-homework purposes.  This way I make sure I update my blog when I'm not focusing on homework but it might also deter me from going on things like facebook.....

So far, this week has been a kind of difficult because I haven't had money to buy food and then I don't plan my time to make sure I make food, so I have been not eating as well as I should be; giving up break has made this that much more difficult.  I asked a friend of mine - who lost 50 lbs over the last year and a half - if tortillas count as bread - she said no; I just looked online and found out that it is.  I guess I am going to need to revise my bread giving up to not include tortillas because I'm going to need SOMETHING to hold my food in - there is only so much a person can take of fruit and cheese.

This week as also been quite difficult in that it started with a heat wave!  On Sunday it was near 100, Monday it was 109 (113 in LA, a record high since 1990), and today it was in the 90s, and tomorrow it's suppose to be in the high 80s (though I'm sure it will hit 90, at least).  For some reason my feet tend to swell up when it gets to hot - weather it's because I'm SO overweight or if it's something else, I don't know, but they do.  So much so that I have HAD to wear sandals all day.  I really hope that now that the heat is going down my feet wills top swelling.  I like where I live - usually a decent climate - but I am SO over the heat.  I'm sure if I had spend the last year in Northern England/Scotland like two of my friends, I'm sure I would be loving the heat; but after the second day of this heat wave even THEY were over it.  I think that shows how bad it's been.  On the other hand, I don't really have good lower than 70 degree weather shoes, so I am just going to be thankful that the heat wave is leaving and hope that it doesn't get too cold too fast.

Tomorrow is a gym day, so I'm hoping I will do as good as i did last week (I ended up running half a lap - the short legs) on my and Elle's 30ish minute walk around the track.  Hopefully tomorrow we'll be able to play some hand ball and then do some walking.  I hope by next month I'll be able to run two or so laps.  I realise that the end of September is tomorrow, so I guess my goal of running an entire lap by the end of the month probably won't happen - well, without me doubling over desperately trying to breath after - but I think if I can run four of the shorter legs of the track, that will at least be a step in the right direction.  Right?

Hopefully I'll remember to check back in on Friday morning and update on the work out.  I'm even contemplating adding another page for weight tracking and comments on the week - food, school, stress, &c - something that will help me see what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong and go from there.

Until then, ~a

Curse of Curves

As it turns out, I have a really good feeling that Gabriel has abandoned me.  He has given up on me, left me to fend for myself. Left me.  And you know what? It's all good.  Ok, that's a lie, it's not - not really; but, it is what it is.  I can't change it any more than I can change the fact the sky is blue.  Instead I'm just going to have to work on this myself.

I have always wanted to be a runner.  I have always been a huge fan of it - ever since that fated day in High School when we got to play soccer (which, I think, I kicked ass at too).  The problem: I was too fat - still am.  

But now I'm done with that.  I'm done with being too fat to wear a dress/skirt without 'fat-suckers' (usually Assets from Target).  I'm hate that I can no longer fit into ANY of the fantastic skirts I made in High School/Freshman year.  I dread having to ask someone for a ride (anything from not fitting in their car to the seatbelt not going all the way around me).  I loathe the fact that what I spend on one shirt or pair of pants, my sister (who is only about 50-60 lbs overweight) she can buy two or three....of each.  I detest that I now have to ask for an extender when I fly - and I feel so sorry for the person/people who are stuck next to me.  I'm highly depressed that I don't have a boyfriend and have never been on a proper date.  I am done with all of this.

Starting this week I will no longer buy bread related products.  This is my first goal - I've decided to start with small goals for myself.  One of the goals for next week is to cut out eating bread entirely.  While I realise this will make buying food at school difficult and possible more expensive, I think it's worth it.  I would say I am going to quit bread cold turkey, but I know I cannot do that cold turkey.  I LOVE BREAD! So instead, I'm just going to not buy more of it; I'm going to finish what's left in my apartment and go from there.  Yes, this does mean that I will be going Atkins-esque: large lettuce leaves when bread is needed; personally, I have always liked this idea more.  Also, I'm going to try and make it a requirement that my sister and I go to the new Rec centre at least two times a week for a month (more is fine too, but at least 10 times) and walk the track for 30 mins.  I know my sister is a MASSIVELY fast walker, so the first few times will be spent trying just to catch up to her walking speed.  I then hope, by the middle/end of the month, we'll be able to run for at least three mins in the 30 minute workout (or 1 minute for every 9 mins we walk).

My ultimate goal is to look good for when I walk at the end of May, 2011.  I refuse to look like a balloon for another graduation.  I refuse!  So, I'm going to take a proactive role in this.  I've always known this would ultimately be up to me (from the day that Gabe started wrongly criticize the food diary I was keep - he couldn't seem to remember that, as a woman, we are quite different in some important ways.  I can't just cut what I eat in half and be fine...it doesn't work that way), it's just taken me this long to step up to the plate.  Stop relying on someone who seemed to have my best interests at heart, but then - when we were face to face - didn't.  It's sad, and disappointing, but I can't change it.  The only ways to go are onward and upward.

So here goes nothing!  On Wednesday of next week I will post another goal, a few thoughts, &c.  I will make that another goal: to post at least one blog a week with progress.  Again, I can post more, but at least one.  I hope, if nothing else, this will help me not only loose weight, but focus more on school, learn to eat better, and not focus on some of the personal problems I seem to be having with two of the girls I work with (not women, because they are acting so friggen childish!).  

until next week,

 ~a

(the video that pushed me into the 'I CAN do this' camp: http://youtu.be/8SbXgQqbOoU.  Youtube.com - a blessing and a curse ;P  )

PS I will also post starting weight, measurements, &c at a later date because I have no measuring tape or scale at present; but as soon as I have access, I will.