I want so bad to believe whole heartedly in God. I did once, but now it just feels so fake. I'm not saying that God is fake, I'm just saying that if I were to say 'I'll pray for you' I'm being fake because most likely I'll forget to pray for you - and usually when did I pray it's to ask for strength and guidance when times are difficult or in gratitude of getting through the day &c.
Until I figure out where I'm going to go, I will continue to tell people they will be in my thoughts and in my heart. I will continue to believe in God's grace (which I truly believe is the greatest thing in the world) and I will continue to be amazed when fantastical things happen to those I love and care about. I will continue to respect all religions as long as they make the person believing in them truly happy. I will continue to be me, just still questioning, wondering, pontificating. I hope one day I can believe as devoutly as some of the people I know, to put my complete trust in a single entity and know that if it's meant to be it will be. I hope one day to be like Job.
12.16.2010
12.07.2010
Forget You
I use to think Stephanie was a nice person, a decent person. Sure, she is a little too self involved than is really necessary. Yeah, she does think she is the greatest thing the universe has ever seen. I will admit, she does act like she is the next super genius. Alright, she does pretend that only 'Indie' stuff matters/is acceptable. Ok, yeah, Stephanie is a huge bitch, but at least she almost treated me like a human being; she would listen to what I had to say. Then, for some unknown reason Stephanie started just BLATANTLY ignoring me.
Now, if Stephanie were merely a friend or acquittance, that would be whatever - I would find other people to spend my time with. Unfortunately, Stephanie is a co-worker; which means have have to get along with her in some respect to be able to do my job. The even shittier thing is that she has paired up with Monica (who use to be a good person) and they seem to make it their goal to completely freeze me out.
Again, if this were not work, I would just walk away and not give it a second thought; but it is work and cohabitation and getting along is vital.
I should mention that this is not completely unwarranted, just to be fair. I did post on facebook five months ago that "I work with horrible people" because I was injured and they were having me do the more strenuous job and thus making it worse. I did not think much of it until I realized, right before school started, that Stephanie was being more of a bitch than usual and Monica was just being a bitch. I asked around the office and, after having to involve my boss, found out that it was because of that facebook post. While it was not my brightest moment (posting what I did), nobody said anything to be prior - or after, like I said, I found out through my boss. I then decided to take the high road and apologize - even though I was not the only person at fault. It has not gotten better since. In fact, it's gotten a bit worse. Sure they talk to me, but that's only when they absolutely have to. I have tried many times to mend the bridges, but to no avail. They now have moved on to talking like I am not even in the room. (On a somewhat related matter, if this is how people act when they graduate college - stupid, pithy, bitchy, and all around horrid - I'm not sure I WANT to graduate!!)
I have since washed my hands of being the 'bigger person' and trying to make things better. If they want to fix it, it is now on them. I am not holding my breath.
The only hope I am clinging to at the moment is the fact that Monica might be getting another job (seeing as both girls graduated in the spring, they should have been gone by November - according to company policy) soon, so I will not have to deal with her. Stephanie, on the other hand, does not even seem to be trying anymore. Then again, can you really blame her? She works at least 27-28 hours a week (with the exception of Monica, this is more than anyone else by far) and usually manages to get a few more than that (one day working from 8 AM to 6 PM because the two other closers called out sick. That's a 10 hour shift, two hours of which are overtime and therefore she gets time and a half for that! When I casually brought up that she could have called me to come in early, she just said 'I didn't want to bother you.' Bull shite!).
If they are not gone by January, I am going to have to start doing SOMETHING to get them gone. They are breaking the rules and it is not fair; also, I could be getting some of these hours - I need to money too.
Plus, I'm tired of being so full of hate and anger and stress. I have school to stress out over.
Now, if Stephanie were merely a friend or acquittance, that would be whatever - I would find other people to spend my time with. Unfortunately, Stephanie is a co-worker; which means have have to get along with her in some respect to be able to do my job. The even shittier thing is that she has paired up with Monica (who use to be a good person) and they seem to make it their goal to completely freeze me out.
Again, if this were not work, I would just walk away and not give it a second thought; but it is work and cohabitation and getting along is vital.
I should mention that this is not completely unwarranted, just to be fair. I did post on facebook five months ago that "I work with horrible people" because I was injured and they were having me do the more strenuous job and thus making it worse. I did not think much of it until I realized, right before school started, that Stephanie was being more of a bitch than usual and Monica was just being a bitch. I asked around the office and, after having to involve my boss, found out that it was because of that facebook post. While it was not my brightest moment (posting what I did), nobody said anything to be prior - or after, like I said, I found out through my boss. I then decided to take the high road and apologize - even though I was not the only person at fault. It has not gotten better since. In fact, it's gotten a bit worse. Sure they talk to me, but that's only when they absolutely have to. I have tried many times to mend the bridges, but to no avail. They now have moved on to talking like I am not even in the room. (On a somewhat related matter, if this is how people act when they graduate college - stupid, pithy, bitchy, and all around horrid - I'm not sure I WANT to graduate!!)
I have since washed my hands of being the 'bigger person' and trying to make things better. If they want to fix it, it is now on them. I am not holding my breath.
The only hope I am clinging to at the moment is the fact that Monica might be getting another job (seeing as both girls graduated in the spring, they should have been gone by November - according to company policy) soon, so I will not have to deal with her. Stephanie, on the other hand, does not even seem to be trying anymore. Then again, can you really blame her? She works at least 27-28 hours a week (with the exception of Monica, this is more than anyone else by far) and usually manages to get a few more than that (one day working from 8 AM to 6 PM because the two other closers called out sick. That's a 10 hour shift, two hours of which are overtime and therefore she gets time and a half for that! When I casually brought up that she could have called me to come in early, she just said 'I didn't want to bother you.' Bull shite!).
If they are not gone by January, I am going to have to start doing SOMETHING to get them gone. They are breaking the rules and it is not fair; also, I could be getting some of these hours - I need to money too.
Plus, I'm tired of being so full of hate and anger and stress. I have school to stress out over.
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