Give yourself prudence and love your friends

You ever had one of those days?  Where you're just completely exhausted for no REAL reason.  I'm having one of those days.  And of course it's accompanied by and even more exhausted Mike who is having a good ol' time trying to make it through the day.  It's on of those days where we look at each other for a few seconds and then just laugh.  I didn't realize until recently how much I miss laughing for not other reason than to laugh.  I wish I had more laughing in my life; instead I have tears, sadness, and depression.  The only real plus is now I have Mike, Morgan, and Jayne at work to keep me smiling.  For now anyways.

send me away with the words of a love song

Have you ever felt that when certain people enter your life that they have always been there? That something you didn't even know was missing has been returned? It's kind if crazy sounding, but I've experienced this with only a handful of people, the newest ones being two of my new co-workers : mike and morgan. I feel like I have this preexisting friendship with morgan; like I've been friends with her forever. And mike, well, I just feel so at ease around him, like I don't have to hide anything or pretend to be something or someone else; and, worst of all, I feel like I'd miss him even if I'd never met him.
Gawd, this must be why I told myself no posting after 2am.....I sound completely mad! But I've already typed this all up, so I might as well post it. Hopefully there will be something truly brilliant to make up for this. Nite interwebs and readers who already know i'm a bit off.

The Day I Shot Cupid

"I think life and love can be what you make them. Figure out what *you* want out of love and life and go get it. If your guy or girl doesn't fit those things, then find someone who will." JLH

take my hand, take my whole life too

apparently I'm allowed to be attracted to guys. I always figured that because I'm fat and not particularly good looking, that I shouldn't even bother. that it would be like when I was in k-12 and my affections wouldn't be returned so why bother. but after talking to one of my new coworkers, it's dawned on me that size shouldn't stop me. that even we larger ladies can find love. this is quite an interesting idea and will involve much thinking and pondering.

stay little valentine stay

Sometimes I like to stop and think about what could have been, should have been, if I hadn't been so scared of life. If I wasn't so scared of life. Gonna try and change this, one step at a time. Baby steps, small goals. Maybe then I might get somewhere before I give up. I'm hoping the jazz open mic night near the end of month is one of those somewheres....

9 Crimes

Sometimes I wish I could just *not* think about events, people, other things. I wish, oh how I wish, I could be something like a normal person....if only for one day. To be happy and actually stay that way. To tell the people whom I care about that I do in fact care about them. To understand why I feel pulled to certain people and what I'm suppose to *do* with them. I hate that I cannot express myself and just be me. I hate that I'm trapped - caged. I hate that no matter how much I want to change I never really can. I hate the shell of a person that I'm becoming. I hate it all.