I discovered something very important tonight: one of the most important people in my life, someone I trust with my whole mind, body, and self, really has no idea who I am. And it kind of breaks my heart. I thought he, of all people, would get me. But no. Instead, when I brought up something that deviated he got the same look my dad got that basically said 'fuck you and you're wrong' and it sucked. I even pointed it out and it did nothing. I kinda wish I could just say I'm depressed by this and be on my merry; but I just can't. I am greatly saddened by it and my heart hurts that some of these things, that aren't like his/him, are just wrong in his mind. That because they are different they're just wrong. Normally, with someone I cared this about, I would put it in the creative differences pile and leave it be for a bit and discuss it later. But I'm just gonna just have to accept that he will never change his mind on the subject and move on.
I hate that his opinion means so much to me. I hate that a part of me wants to do whatever I can to be like him (in a way). I hate that he has such an affect on me and has no idea (no matter how much I tell him).
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Part of me wants my own place, but I know I cannot afford it and I'd miss my roomie too much. Talk about a rock and a hard place.
Reminds me of this line from "10 Things I Hate About You":
ReplyDeleteBut mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
that was probably what I was alluding too, but too bad it won't ever end up with me getting a shiny guitar and kissed by heath ledger...
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